virtualroot.com Ramblings of a mad scientist

Paint Your LifePosted by simon on February 10th, 2009

I don’t know what happened. I can’t sit down and pinpoint a single atomic moment. It was a process, imagine a set of watercolors being mixed by seismic activity. It would create a wonderfully bizarre melting of colors that you can’t begin to appreciate until you consider how it occurred. I’m finding that lately words lack the ability to describe the mixing of the watercolors in my life. There are so many aspects that are affected by this process it’s hard to isolate the affects on one another. Much less, how the watercolors were made from some plant dye and imported to my palette. How the paper was constructed and bleached. Then how all these elements were in the right place at the right time for the shifts in the earth’s crust to allow them to mix on a canvas making something randomly beautiful and perfect.

“I experience a period of frightening clarity in those moments when nature is so beautiful. I am no longer sure of myself, and the paintings appear as in a dream”
-Vincent van Gogh

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The Human ExperiencePosted by simon on September 11th, 2008

The Human Experience, something we are all living through day after day until our time is up. How we live our lives is often a point of contention with ourselves, family, friends, society and anyone else who thinks they should have an opinion. Thankfully I’ve tried to lead and live my own life, which is more of a task then some people will believe. It is comforting to be a follower and just do what you are told, it requires no thought or awareness. Always analyzing and internalizing each situation and experience requires more energy and awareness then many people are willing to put forth during daily life. We seem to strive for individuality yet if we achieve too much we become isolated and have a hard to relating. We find comfort in the pack and in the conformity so, we try to strike a balance between the two. Read the rest of this entry »

Buddhist Philosophy in my own wordsPosted by simon on August 9th, 2008

I know I constantly speak about Buddhist philosophy and many of the things I enjoy about it, so I figured I should share some of the things that I have found valuable in my studies and hopefully inspire others to do some of their own study.

The first thing I want you all to understand is that I wouldn’t call myself a Buddhist. I wouldn’t really say I ascribe to any particular religion. I personally believe that there are infinite ways to prove the same thing so there should be infinite paths to find some greater meaning in life. This bugs the hell out of my parents as they are devote Catholics. I was raised Catholic, I did missionary work with Franciscan monks during the summers when I was 15 and 16. I was an alter by for 7 years and I was confirmed in the Catholic faith. Oddly enough it was this confirmation class that made me realize just how much “blind faith” an organized religion requires. Which is when I decided to step away from Christianity all together and find my own path.

I started studying Eastern Religions and I have found Buddhist Philosophy to be the most “Common Sense” of them all so far. It doesn’t teach off of “Blind Faith” but builds off of your experiences and your own understanding of yourself. It fits all too well into my world view so I take the pieces that fit for me and leave the rest. Do I believe in an afterlife or reincarnation or higher levels of reality? Sure, maybe. All I know is that whatever comes after this, should there be anything, will be an extension of the life I live now. So if there is or isn’t anything beyond this I plan on living life as well as I can. With that said, on with the show.

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Running in Rainstorms and other Philosophical TopicsPosted by simon on August 7th, 2008

After waking up from a power shushi (Power Nap) I decided it was time for a run. As I was stretching outside I was delightfully reminded of a of a WWII scene as it looked like the clouds were being ignited with artillery. On any other day where I would be running just for something to do to clear my head and I might have said screw it and gone back inside, but today was different. Today I had Courtney’s voice ringing in my ears of all the rainstorms she had run through and how awesome it was. I of course heard my replies of “Crazy Girl” and decided it was time to be a “Crazy Simon”.

At first I have to say it didn’t really look like it was going to rain. I was impressed with how quickly the awesomeness of the lightning wore off as I became accustomed to it. About a mile into the run I’m into my grove and I look down the street and see that rain has started. I have to admit I am a little excited. I kind of feel like a kid who wanted his parents to turn the sprinklers on and was hounding them all day to do it, then he sees the sprinklers go on and just loses his mind as he runs screaming into the sprinklers. I felt like hollering and running right for the storm but I looked to my right and saw some lady out smoking in her yard looking down the street and I really didn’t want to alarm the old broad.

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Feelings as Evolutionary TraitsPosted by simon on July 19th, 2008

As I’ve been reading the Omnivores Dilemma by Michael Pollen A very significant point was brought up in the book and it got me thinking. The point was that the feeling of “Disgust” was an evolutionary trait designed to prevent us from eating toxic and ill fated remains.
A quote from Steven Pinker

Disgust is intuitive Microbiology

This reminded me that everything we are composed of was based on an evolutionary necessity at some point in our biological history. I find myself forgetting these facts all too often in my day to day life and it is seldom brought to the forefront of my thought. Why else would a species feel Lonesome? Could you imagine how our species would have ended up without the feeling of Lonesomeness? It will either drive a person mad, force them to be social or turn them into a pariah.

The funny thing is when marketing/government/religion gets a hold of these feelings and plays against them. Jealousy, Desire, Loneliness, Beauty, Happiness, Fear all heavily effect our daily lives. Imagine if for one day you weren’t inundated with countless advertisements, warnings, images of societies vision of the “perfect you”? How would your subconscious change? Would we actually be able to see beyond the world that TV, News Agencies, Marketing Firms and the Government saturate our minds with?

I kind of feel like I can understand many peoples’ neuroses now. They must just be sensitive to all the crap that surrounds them. Try to imagine yourself living as a Native American in 1300 AD. I don’t think I can, the peacefulness, beauty and reaffirmation of the self would be too much for me. To be concerned with only survival, sex and possibly some form of communal social standing. It seems like an image from a dream.

I think I’m beginning to understand more and more why it is I want to just run from society and retire to a mountain where none of these things are here to influence me. We have been raised in a society where it is almost impossible to tell where our feelings for certain things originate from. People’s feelings of “Disgust” have changed from “intuitive Microbiology” to a fashion sense…. How does that make any sense? Has our world gone completely mad?

Whatever happened to the feelings of the next evolutionary step for humankind being the purification of Virtues? When did it become an evolutionary trait to be able to navigate a mall and find the best deal, or dress in the latest fashions? Has Man’s “proper function” fallen so far from the Greek ideals?

I think that is what scares me the most about the development of man in today’s day and age, it seems to me that five Greek Virtues (Wisdom, Moderation/Temperance, Bravery, Justice, Piety) seem to be lacking so much. It is no wonder Rome was able to have 100 years of peaceful glory underneath their Five Good Emperors. It saddens me to see how often our political leaders and company leaders don’t exemplify these men. We as a society often chalk up any imperfections to “Being Human” and have become almost immune to the most immoral acts. There was a time and place in our history where we rose up against a monarchy because we being taxed without representation (amongst various other reasons no doubt). Yet now we don’t so much as flinch when our government declares war on a whole nation based on falsified information and irate Fear?

Some day’s it makes me sad to be part of the human race. Especially when I read things like Walden and really want to just say, “peace out if you need me I’ll be in the mountains”. But then how good of a person would I be if I were to just run away from all of these things. Who am I to hold some form of moral compass up to others and expect them to listen to my words. I’m not doing anything to change the society I live in so who am I to bitch about the direction of our race. If I’m not going to change myself what right do I have to complain……

So maybe it’s time for some change. Maybe I’ll go nuts and buy only clothing made from cotton grown in Arizona and assembled here. Maybe I’ll only shop at farmers markets where all the food is naturally grown here as well. Maybe I’ll begin watching my words even more and never say a negative thing about another person as long as I life. Maybe I’ll bike to work everyday and sell my car and save on the insurance.

The only reason we don’t live like the Native Americans did is because we have become accustomed to convenience. We love all of our gadgets and technology because it gives us so much extra free time. They allow us to communicate with each other round the clock saying whatever things we want to whomever we want. Go back 200 years and tell me how easy it was to let people know you were being married or had your first child or were deathly sick and would love to see them before you die. What have the costs to society been to afford these luxuries?

Negative Feedback LoopPosted by simon on July 16th, 2008

It has taken me awhile to figure this concept out but it is one I find self explanatory after I realized what was going on. I’m sure that your mother always told you “If you don’t have something nice to say, then say nothing at all”. Well it is good advice, because all the negative comments we make about others reflects rather poorly on us.

Say you have a friend who tries out a sushi joint and tells you it is horrible and the help was wretched and the food was just no good. So this taints your opinion and you spread it to others because you trust your friend and you want to make sure your friends don’t have a bad dining experience. It makes sense. Well what your friend didn’t tell you is that he was drunk and he couldn’t tell good sushi from bad sushi if is life depended on it, so you should probably take his advice with a grain of salt.

This principle applies to people as well. Say you and a friend have a common acquaintance. Maybe your friend spends a great deal of time with this acquaintance and decides that they are not a great person and shouldn’t be bothered with on any level. What do you do? Do you take your friends advice or do you find out for yourself?

Is it possible that some people have very rigid expectations that are not going to match up with yours? Should we always second guess everything that we hear? Maybe our perspectives are askew or our emotions are influencing our judgment?

The next time you are going to say something negative, ponder this, “Will whoever hears this understand the context I am being negative in? Will everyone see this as a negative?” Maybe you are better off just letting things slide along, that way the next time someone has something negative to say about you, maybe they will just let it slide along.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Plato (427 BC – 347 BC)

Party PhilosophyPosted by simon on June 26th, 2008

With another Birthday Party where my group of friends gathered and exchanged stories and libations I feel it’s time for a little review of why I organize these “parties” once a year. It has occurred to me during multiple points in my life that I would not be “here” if it weren’t for my friends and family. If it weren’t for the people who add Quality to my life I would end up sitting around in a monastery somewhere contemplating what a mountain would say to the hiker climbing it and vice versa.

The reason I organize these Birthday Parties is to get all the people who add Quality to my life together and let them just be together. This allows for all kinds of great story telling and good times to be had by all. Plus, I love to see all of my friends having a good time and being happy.

I’ve always taken a little pride in the company I keep and the people I continue to spend my time with. You have to try to find a person who is an asshole in my group of friends. I may know a few but they won’t ever make it into the inner circle.

If you can have one night a year when everyone can count on going out and having a good time then why not have a party? The problem comes in when there are outside influences that ruin the party and these are the things to be avoided at all costs. Normally these “outside influences” are random people you don’t know who don’t understand the group dynamic of your party and end up causing big issues. This can taint the idea of your Birthday party so it is always a good idea to have these parties when and where there is a very minimal chance for problems. Having a party Friday night in the middle of a “club” (I have to put that in comments because Phoenix doesn’t have any real clubs) where every drunk asshole is going to cause some form of issue. However Wednesday night at a hole in the wall bar near your house is an excellent idea.

So with that said I want to thank all the people who do add Quality to my life and who continue to keep me from becoming a monk sitting around thinking of what a Mountain has to say.

*rant*
Hiker: “Hello Mountain how goes it? I bet it is just nice to be and never have to do anything. My life is full of lists and lists of things I have to do constantly. Eat, Sleep, Breathe, work, pay bills, go to school, the list goes on and on.”

Mountain: “I bet it’s nice to do and not just be. I just sit here watching everything around me run through life doing all kinds of great things, while all I do is be.”

The Balance to LifePosted by simon on June 14th, 2008

All too often we seem to become addicted to something. We give it our complete undivided attention and turn a blind eye to all other things in life. When this happens we begin to become unbalanced. We begin to put more and more and more of ourselves into whatever we spend all our time on. This causes us to link our happiness to this single thing, to this one goal. We begin to miss out on other things in life or when other things in life take us away from our soul focus we begin to get depressed and angry. We lash out at all other aspects in life all because we have such an intense desire to do this one thing.

Though not all people do something. Some people do nothing, which has a similar consequence. Life is multifaceted, it has an infinite amount of ways to do anything you can imagine. Now I’m not talking about the human life. I’m talking about cosmic life, though a human life seems to exhibit many of the same qualities just on a much smaller time scale. Life is able to do so many things because it has a seemingly infinite amount of time. Odds are if we can imagine it somewhere in the universe it is occurring. I’m sure it sounds kind of crazy but who is going to say otherwise? Why can’t all of these things take place ? Though I’m definitely way off topic and beginning to ramble. The intention of this blog is to remind myself that I need to live a more balanced life. What I’m trying to do is remind myself of the definition of balance that I would like to keep through my end of days.

You see it is the rare occasion where I will sit down and watch a movie. Normally I am wrapped up spending my time reading, climbing, coding, playing games or out with friends. In recent years I have continued to branch out into various aspects of human life and try to appreciate them from many perspectives. I still think a different perspective is one of the most precious gifts another person can give. It provides a refreshment and an experience that is unrivaled in my opinion.

Going back to balance, armed with a variety of interests and a desire for new perspectives I find it is important to not get hung up on things as diligently as I once did. “Variety is the spice to life” and I find this to be true on a very regular basis. Lets say all I did was work and go to school, something I have done for about half of my 26 years in this body/mind. School being continuing on for a PhD in Computer Science say, I would probably be a very boring and maladjusted person. I find then when given enough time and focus I will devote myself totally and utterly to a single task and build a life around it. Fortunately, in recent date I have been able to create a different kind of life. I’ve been able to get out more and more and find things that I find increasingly entertaining and enlightening. There should be an emphasis on the word enlightening as I find that to be a source of entertainment, though entertainment is only a byproduct of enlightening experiences.

I suppose to attempt to quantify this, the Quality of experiences that I do find enlightening is much higher then experiences I find purely entertaining. I think this is the “rub” of the matter. Many people are satiated with simply entertaining. I learned at a younger age, if you want to call 15 a younger age, that enlightening experiences are infinitely more valuable and come with a momentum. An enlightening experience is less just some entertaining joke it is a movement of thought. It provides the mind/body/spirit a direction in which to explore something interesting. It is almost like something telling you that this is a must to experience and you should continue on the path that you have just stepped foot on. When life sees fit to bring you in contact with something wonderfully perspective changing and mind/body/spirit altering, it is important to explore it as much as possible. This way you can be sure you have experienced this “thing” to it’s fullest. You don’t stop eating a parfait after the first layer of ice cream and I think that is what people who just seek entertainment do. They enjoy the first layer and move on skipping the various fillings and other layers.

And maybe that is what I mean by “Balance” simultaneously enjoying multiple “life parfaits” to their fullest.

The World TurnsPosted by simon on April 3rd, 2008

Recently I have been reading a good amount of Buddhist philosophy. I find the readings very appealing because rather then force you to accept some major tenants right off the bat like “There is a God” or “God can send you to some form of heaven or hell” they start off talking about the basic human experience. The reason I started reading these type of philosophies is because I felt a general unrest and wanted to begin to grow myself.

The flow of the readings is almost like Chinese Confucian lessons but they are explained in a detail that really forces you to not only understand what the author is saying but look deeply into yourself and see how you do or do not act in these situations. The book I am reading is called “The Buddha Said…” by Osho. I almost didn’t pick this book up because I really don’t want to be sold a religion I want to understand a perspective of life. I’ve found that a religion is only as good as the perspective it presents the world in.

A bit of back story, I was raised a devout Catholic. I was an alter boy from the age of 10-18. I did Missionary work in Mexico for a few months, I served in various forms throughout my church. During my confirmation to the Catholic faith I naturally began questioning many of the dogmas that are set forth by the faith and I was given rather unsatisfactory responses. So rather then sit around confused I stepped away from the Church, my faith and the community service. This just happened to work out as I was going of to college and needed to invest every bit of energy I had into school and work.

Flash forward: I’m 25 and beginning to realize that happiness really isn’t the job I have, the car I drive, the newest cellphone or the biggest TV. I start reflecting on what it is that made me so happy all those years as I was growing up. It was the service. The service to others in whatever way I could. The attempt to better not only myself but those who seemed to be stagnant in life. I go on vacation to Florida, have some spare time and flip through, “Open Heart, Clear Mind” and “Buddhism for Beginners” by Thubten Chodron. I also find http://www.emahofoundation.org/ and attend a few meditations to see what the practice of this “religion” is like.

What did I learn during this period of time that has changed me over the last month? I wouldn’t say I have learned anything. I would say that I am now practicing that which I already knew. Common Sense tells you many of the things that you read about in Buddhist philosophy. What the readings do is show you how to practice what I will label “Common Sense”. (I’ll have to do a post on Common Sense because it is one of those things that means a million and one things to a million and one people)

The basics of these readings are, and I am going to succinctly summarize them and do them little justice but it should be enough to hopefully get you to read more on your own; Impermanence, the understanding that not only is everything always changing but you are as well. When everything is constantly changing it requires a great deal of mindfulness to make sure you are understanding life in the context of the now. (Like I said I am being unfortunately short on purpose, #1. I am still reflecting on these lessons #2. You should read about them and gain your own understanding.) Life is Suffering, until you choose to end it. (See The Four Noble Truths)

On a more personal note, I have drastically changed my view of what is important and what is not allowing me more liberties to aid any and all beings looking for help. One thing I have learned over the years is that you cannot help people who do not want your help. So it is essential to be very mindful of anyone who is just looking for help. Heck they might not even be looking they might just be open to it. All too often we are much too caught up in our own life to notice others who need help. I’ve found that the more you can be mindful and open the more you will get out of your days and the better you will feel. The things that used to be so utterly important and would cause needless stress and suffering fall to the wayside as you begin to find aspects of life that are so much more important.

Recently I had a conversation with someone who is very proud of the work they do, and they do very good work. It is one of the aspects that this person would use to define himself. When I spoke about the concept of being selfless and not being prideful but humble, this person was immediately offended and wanted to change the topic of conversation. This got me to thinking about the people in history who have thought along these lines. The main one being Jesus and his disciples. Were persecuted and even killed because of these ideas. People were so scared and angry at those who wanted to help others and looked at the world in what seemed like a fundamentally different way that they were prepared to kill for this. It seems like such a wild concept to kill a person who only wants to help others, but it has happened time and time through history and we still see it today. I want to make something clearer, people become afraid of things they don’t understand and when someone believes in a philosophy that is fundamentally different then theirs they will either question it or be afraid of it. When more and more people begin to share this philosophy people will band together with other like minded people to protect their beliefs. Jesus and his followers were a challenge to Jewish philosophies, this is why Jesus and his followers were hunted. Ideas, even simple ones can have devastating consequences when you seek control of people.

With that said I want to thank you for reading this and I sincerely hope you take a look at a few readings. You don’t have to believe in any of it, but at least look at some of the lessons that have survived some 2500 years and see if they apply to you. They might just change your life in a way you could never possibly expect.

Nature of UnderstandingPosted by simon on October 22nd, 2007

It’s a wonderful thing when someone gains an understanding of some concept. If we weren’t able to understand new concepts there would be no way we could have progressed to the technological point we stand at today. Our parents, school, and interactions in life are constantly bombarding us with new concepts whether we appreciate them or not. Some people will spend a great deal of time dwelling on a moment to glean some truth from it. Some will get a great deal of help from their subconscious; it chews over a series of moments and tries to glean more meaning from them in hopes of attaining some new understanding.

How does the subconscious work? I can only describe to you how it works for me, and maybe it will have some bearing on your own. My subconscious chews on moments where I was inspired, awed, shocked, or just given some memory that registers above the tide of banal moments during the day. These memories will linger much longer then the banal moments and my mind will try to take any of these higher resolution memories and link them together. If it can’t then it starts trying to match day-to-day memories with it until something leaks out. Most of the time I’ll chew on something for a few days or weeks, but some memories require a great deal more processing and last for years maybe even a lifetime.

When I do discover some kind of match for any of these moments, in most cases some kind of greater understanding of myself is unlocked. Like I’ll realize that at this moment in life I’m happy with such and such, or I’m unhappy and should work to change this or that. It’s like the subconscious gently nudges you in some direction by unlocking meaning in these moments and hopes you are listening to it so you can learn from it and make those desired changes. With that being said, the subconscious doesn’t just chew on personal matters but on technical ones as well. I can’t tell you how many times I went to sleep after trying to jam some concept into my head all day/night only to wake up and have it solidified to the point it was second nature. The process of understanding is going to be different for everyone, the important thing is that you figure out what works for you and try to help the process as best you can.